Our daily life is made of endless relations with the external world.

From the moment we get up in the morning ’til bed time, we would have spent our whole day dealing with other people.

Unless we lived in solitude in a very remote area.

But even in that case, we’d be in the company of the “devils in our mind”.

No one day passes by without our world being forged by how these relationships affect us.

Let’s face it: sometimes having to deal with our fellow human beings bloody sucks!

And before anyone says that “we are all one“, I’d like them to take their rose tinted glasses off for a second.

Human relationships are the toughest game in the world.

They challenge us and stretch us out.

They show us things of ourselves we may not always be ready to see.

From impossible parents in law, to annoying colleagues, not to mention demanding families and forgetful partners, our interaction with others may often lead to undesirable feelings.

Are we doomed to a life full of frustration, disappointment and resentment?

Not necessarily.

No self help book will ever help us to change someone, but we can lessen their impact on us.

When we understand the role we play in all our relations, even dealing with our over bearing boss becomes easier.

How bad someone is and how bad we feel in return is never fixed.

If we look closely at all our different relationships, we see how sometime we’ll feel worse about them while other times it won’t be too bad.

How can that be?

It’s because human interactions are never fixed and the variable is us and what’s happening in our head moment to moment.

No one person effects us the same way every time they are around.

At times when we are in a low mood, maybe feeling under the weather or just a bit tired, dealing with difficult people is challenging.

Not only we’ll take their attitude personally, but trying to confront them usually makes matters even worse.

But when our mood changes and we feel more open towards the external world, we deal with the same troublesome people very differently. Their antics won’t effect us as much because when our mind is clearer we may even see the funny side of our predicaments.

If we start to see how our state of mind effects our relationships, we start taking responsibility of how we manage them and mostly we stop blaming ourselves and others.

When we understand how our mood often gets in the way of dealing with those around us, they’ll stop looking so threatening.

Yep, even the sneaky mother in law and annoyingly loud colleague.

Allowing our mind to settle gives us the chance to be practical & sensible about our relationships. We will get solutions to how to go about them and we may even start feeling compassion for our troubled companions.

This means that we are never stuck with a relationship cause we can look at it from a different angle even when the other person doesn’t change.

We’ll also be able to get over difficult situations more often and faster, and to be better listeners. When others truly feel heard, that usually brings the best out of them.

But why would we want to be so open towards those same people who are usually so prone to hurt us?

Because when we are weary and always “ready to attack”, we are not free.

Our attempt to change others so we can have an easier life, deprives us of our freedom.

But when we are more cooperative and open, we get to live a life that has less resentment & turmoil and more of the good stuff like ease, joy & grace.

Now tell me that’s not a good prize for such a tough game?

 

Wrapping it up:

• Trying to change people is a foolish waste of energy. The trick is learning to be less impacted by them
• When we are upset and our mind is not clear, any relationship will look worse. When our mind quietens again, then others don’t look so threatening
•   Seeing how our state of mind effects our reaction, helps us to stop blaming others, be more compassionate towards them and take their behaviour less personally
• Life is about being free and all the good stuff that comes with it, like joy and ease.This blog originally posted here.